Looking back before 2018 ends *heart emoji*

It’s already Christmas! I know we are not certain all bout Jesus’ birthdate, but most of us are celebrating life, joy, and love in Jesus’ name. ‘Tis the season for forgiveness and making peace, showering love, and gift giving.

And speaking of gifts, this is the first time I gave little gifts to the people in the office who were always there for us, making us safe and comfortable. It may be a little thing, but really, it is a big tick to my bucket list – to give back at least in simple ways. Thank God for the continuous blessings that I am more than willing to share!

By the way, how’s your 2018 “new year’s resolutions” that were drafted and published some time in January? Okay, let’s just laugh about it. Haha! For the coming year, instead of listing to-dos and wishes, I am looking back to the encounters that made me strong and driven to move forward. For 2019, instead of challenging myself, I will try to focus more on grabbing opportunities to bloom and fly and inspire. (Naks!)

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Summing up my 2018 story would honestly take a loooonger time than how much I take in drafting a post. It would make a probably 500-page novel with follow up sequels. 2018 was indeed full of surprises, pain, happiness – really a what we call “roller coaster ride”.

It felt like I was broken, yet whole.

The biggest surprise in my 2017 life was finding out I was pregnant. I thought it was already the biggest turn I had to mind. But 2018 was so cruel, that even before it came, it already made my life change…a lot.

Being blessed with a child is one of the most prayed and not-so-much answered prayers of almost all human. That is what I realised when I gave birth to Mnemo.

Of course, there are people joking about me being “naano lang” or being such a sex-craving girl who learned her lesson. (Btw , it hurts, people, though I know they’re just jokes, but I also know you half-mean it.) I just grew tired and learned to ignore them and put in mind that they are just kidding. Who are they, by the way? As long as I can afford being a mom, I don’t need a ring, also, aanhin ko din ang madudumi nilang utak?

What move me more are the people who say “you should be thankful. Not everyone can have a baby no matter how much they wanted to.” I realised I have friends that are going through something, that they can’t be blessed with a child of their own. I feel very sorry and sad, that I don’t even want to talk with them about my endeavor being a mom.

• Holiday Reads as Recommended by the Bookish Bunch Book Club
• When She’s Gone by Rea Frey
• Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
• El Mundo Cafe: a new place for your “me time”
• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Happiness still won. (Excuse my kwento full of self-praise.)

It started with Mnemo, and all other blessings I never wished for started coming in. Did I already mention I paid all maternity expenses out from my own pocket? In cash? I know don’t have to boast anything especially money, but I can’t help but share and be proud of it. Going through CS and paying the bills and everyday needs of a human being is not easy. You’re sharing a portion of your salary to your parents for home expenses? Believe me, supporting your pregnant self and then a newborn baby is 100000x more challenging.

All these and more, thanks for my skills and experiences, and the company I am currently in, work giving me the opportunity to use my knowledge, add value to the organisation, and afford my family’s needs. Thank you God, for showing me the way.

Speaking of work, I got an award for my performance. I am truly grateful and honored to be part of a company that recognises everyone’s effort.

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But still, life’s incomplete without mini heartaches.

Acting like everything’s okay while your world is almost falling apart is the hardest thing I had to do. I openly shared my painful story online as I didn’t know where to go to vent out.

No matter how much a person post online, you still cannot consider it public or scandal, or whatever you call it. No matter how long a post is, it’s still not the full story.

For everybody’s information, the day I posted my anger and bitterness was already months after I was betrayed. I tried hard to keep it to myself, kept it private, until one thing made everything explode that I just bursted out.

Some people drifted away, some friendship just faded, just because I was “malandi”, “eskandalosa”, and “ew, manang na.” I learned that there are really just few people whom you can trust and will understand you. Some people I didn’t expect to, messaged me and told me they were proud of me for coming out, for being brave, strong, and accepting the challenge of being a single mom.

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Oh, here I am again, oversharing my mom stories as if it’s a new thing. Single mom stories are not new. Some may even say I am fortunate because others have been through more. But hey, just a reminder, we have different levels of being okay.

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Here’s my Instagram best nine and 2018 highlights, apparently. They say sharing your year-end highlights and year-in-reviews is corny and maybe even stupid because hashtag oversharing. I get you, people. But I’m doing it anyway. Lol hu u.

I just hope my story served as a little inspiration for the women who think they’re not enough. You are, girl. Do not let people measure your power and greatness, by their own judgment. You can share, people can comment, but do not let the bad things drown you. You are enough. You can do it.