How I survive my every day as a single working mom
Questions from readers:
Though I’m not yet a mom, you really inspire me. You’re one of the toughest persons I know. How do you handle all the responsibilities alone?
I am super duper thankful to you, guys, for making me feel stronger and braver surviving this single working mom life. We’re not really close, but thank you for letting me know that 1) you read my blog (haha!) and 2) I inspire people with my stories.
Well, I have to admit that it’s really hard to pilot a ship alone. In fact, it makes me feel like I’m almost losing myself. But thanks to my job(s) which I love, my family who are there to assist me, and my friends whom I can run to in times of troubles.
I’m often asked how I keep myself together despite being a single working mom. It’s really hard – real talk – so I don’t get offended. In fact, I appreciate people who see my effort on surviving this challenge.
On a normal day, I get up to prepare for work at 5am then travel to the office at 6 to catch my 8am shift. I work for 8-9 hours straight and travel back home for another 2-3 hours. I usually get home at 8 or 9pm. My kid and I rarely see each other during weekdays, and on weekends, I go out to collect contents for the blog.
I haven’t told anyone about how tired and frustrated I am. At least not before I published this article. But everyday I ask myself, how do I balance my need to be a good and present parent while having to work all day?
Toughest single working mom struggles
1
Staying strong
Easier said than done. I’ve been told hundreds of times how I inspire people for being so strong despite of my loss. What they don’t realize is I’m actually having a very difficult time.
There were times I wanted to give up, but every time I see Mnemo (my daughter), I don’t know – there’s just magic. I feel encouraged, inspired, loved, needed, alive. It’s the most happy feeling I’ve ever had my entire life. There also are times when I just don’t feel like doing anything. I feel unproductive. And it’s really hard because I am a single mom, and I am working as an essential compliance support for our field force.
Staying strong is an everyday struggle for me. Every hour. Even every minute. It’s not easy to remind myself to take care of myself now. It sometimes feel like quitting is the easiest option.
What I do to keep myself sane is I try to spend more time with my baby. We are trying to make routines from playing to sleeping times, though eating time is kind of a challenge right now (hello, toddler years).
2
Communicating with the baby daddy
I’m still angry about what happened, to be honest. But I also have to admit that I have to move on for Mnemo’s sake. I don’t want her to grow up without knowing who her father is, so I kept my contact with the baby daddy.
Another difficult task as a single parent. I mean, at first I asked myself how could I move on if I stayed connected with him? I thought burning all the bridges would help. And it helped, actually. But thank God I realized I needed to keep our communications, just for Mnemo updates.
3
Worrying what other people think about you
Slut. Flirt. I don’t hear it, but I feel like people call me things. Of course they do. Some of them just feel guilty of voicing it out because of some decent, sweet, and smart name I have.
My whole schooling life I’ve always been in the creme section. I earned a “difficult” degree in college. Now, I have a nice role in a multinational company. Who would have thought I would end up a single parent?
I may be overthinking, but hey, I’m just being honest of what I feel.
4
Feeling sad and guilty that your kid/s will grow up without a dad
However I blamed my ex, part of me says it’s still my fault. I chose to trust the wrong person, I wasn’t so careful when we had sex. And now I’m worried about my kid not having a dad.
These thoughts make me hate myself more than I hate my ex. I know hatred will just make things worse. It makes me feel sad and guilty that my baby’s going to grow up without his dad on her side.
Tips for single moms
1
Control your finances
One thing I regret is that I didn’t plan on any kind of investment when I was still on my own. No personal savings, no insurance, nothing. I was able to save up even a little part of my monthly salary but instead I spent them for my travels and for stuff I didn’t actually need. Don’t get me wrong. Traveling is my way of de-stressing, but when years ago, travel was a luxury for me.
If you can, set aside even a small amount not only for your future, but for your kid’s as well. Start thinking not about your future together, but their future when you’re gone. Not spreading negativity here, but being ready is a privilege we all need to have right now.
2
Take care of your support system
I’m lucky I have my family when I thought I was about to give up. When I felt their excitement for Mnemo, I felt more excited too. We had some misunderstandings, of course, but they were still there supporting me and giving me the food I need. LOL
Friends, despite their extreme hatred (I’m not laughing at it, tbh), were also excited to see Mnemo. We even had a baby shower a month before I gave birth.
Every day you’ll be reminded you’re a single mom, but also every day you’ll be reminded how lucky you are you had a child, and you have a support system to embrace.
3
Create a routine
4
Take care of yourself
No matter how busy you are, no matter how much responsibility you have, do not ever forget to take care of yourself. You need to go out of town and escape the city to silence all your negative thoughts? I do that as well. Outsource whatever you need to outsource, ask a day of help from the grannies (oh, they’d love that) or the daddy (except if he scares you) or hire a trusted nanny.
It is very important that you keep yourself sane, not for your sake, but for your kids’. It’s okay not to be okay. And whenever you don’t feel okay, ask yourself, “how can I take care of my child if I don’t even take care of myself?”
5
It’s okay to ask for help
I’d love to be your babysitter for a day or two if only I have enough time. It also make me guilty when I go out of town or eat in a fancy restaurant when I know my daughter’s crying or sad at home because she doesn’t have her mom-playmate.
I usually go out for collecting contents for my blog, as I need to grow my page for me to be able to monetize it and earn from it aside from my day job. I’d do anything to earn enough for Mnemo to live comfortably. Not with an air conditioner or fancy mattress in our bedroom, but enough money to provide her good education and resources.
Still remember to have time for mom-kid routines. I can’t explain how you can fit all these work in your calendar, but it’s really possible. You will get me once you’re already there.
Working from home with my baby
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Be honest with work
Another fortunate thing happened to me is that my current boss is super cool and she’s actually also my friend. It’s easy for me to explain what I can and cannot do when I need to work from home. We often discuss what are the priorities and check in with each other timely so we can adjust our timelines accordingly.
Sharing your situation with your colleagues and manager will help them understand your schedule and work challenges. It’s very important to discuss these stuff, as we as associates depend on each other to maintain smooth flow of the business process.
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Spend quality hours (yes, daily!) with baby
I used to think that it was okay to spend my time at work now while Mnemo’s still a baby. I thought she’d need me more when she grew a little older. Now I realized there’s no time she doesn’t need me. She needed me before, she needs me now, she’ll need me forever.
I’m not an obsessed mom like those that we see in teleseryes, but real talk. Our infants need us for feeding and care. Our toddlers need us as their teachers and playmates. When they grow as young ladies and gentlemen, they will need us as either their cool bestie or their KJ disciplinarian. When they grow to adulthood, they’ll need us for advise.
Being with my kid during her infant and toddler years makes her feel a lot closer to me, not just because I am her mom but because I am her best friend, her playmate, and the monster who gets angry when she doesn’t want to eat her breakfast.
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Have an organized calendar
LOL I am not as organized as I sound. Hmm. Okay, I am, but only because my mom brain is still at its level 99. I am super forgetful, I need to list every thought, idea, highlights, points I thought or heard before they fade to nothingness.
But really, even if your memory’s sharp, keeping a journal or and organizer really helps. And if you list down your work, home, and mom tasks for the day, follow it.
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List expectations, then reflect at the end of the day
Still connected with the above bullet – list all your to dos, then review them at the end of the day. Were you productive the last 8-10 hours? Monitor how you are doing, so you can adjust your way if you need to.
For me, I like keeping a simple notebook as my diary. It’s just nice to finally let out my feelings that day. Anger, anxiety, frustration, even happiness, excitement, contentment. I also like reading my daily stories from before. IT makes me realize how much I’ve grown.
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Practice self-care
I reaaallly love traveling (and food tripping), but when I cannot go out, I love watching movies or reading a book. I make sure self-care routine involves not only my skin but also my mental health. Now I’m trying to be physically healthy(ier) and it actually feels better.
Aside from movies and books, I also love painting. I use watercolor and oil paints for my work. I don’t keep them, though. I just like taking pictures of them, then idk what happens next.
I also spend few minutes for a simple home workouts and yoga. I loooooove yoga as much as I hate high-intensity workouts. (Sorry not sorry, but I need it huhu)
Wrap up:
Did you like this article? Let me know your thoughts!
References:
- Vector art from Mother Vectors by Vecteezy.
- Common Challenges Of Being A Single Mom by Jayme Kennedy for Moms.com.
- Challenges Of A Single Parent by Liya Panayotova and Daniela Aneis for Explorable.
